The Givers, The Takers, and The Madness of Relationships—Through a Faith-Based Lens

 

“A giver and a giver? Exotic. A giver and a taker? Neurotic. A taker and a taker? Psychotic.”

When I heard this quote in a random Instagram video, it hit me hard—like a divine lightbulb moment. It perfectly sums up every kind of relationship we experience: friendships, romantic connections, and even our relationship with God.

Let’s unpack this. Because after reading this, you may never look at your inner circle the same way again.

💫 Giver + Giver = Exotic

This is the rare gem of relationships: two people who give freely, without keeping score. It’s not transactional—it’s transformational.

In friendships, it looks like mutual check-ins, genuine encouragement, shared prayers, and honest accountability. No ghosting, no passive resentment, just healthy reciprocity.

In romantic relationships, it mirrors Proverbs 27:17:

 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

It’s rare because it requires both people to be self-aware, healed, and intentional. That kind of emotional maturity? Exotic indeed.

Even in faith, this is the kind of relationship God wants with us—one where we pour into the relationship, not just pull from it.

⚠️ Giver + Taker = Neurotic

Now we’re in dangerous territory. You’re always showing up, praying, checking in, supporting… but it’s one-sided. And worse—when you need support? They’re mysteriously unavailable.

That’s emotional burnout in the making.

In friendships, this feels like always being the therapist but never being heard. Always being the planner, but never being invited.

In romantic relationships, it’s the breadcrumb effect—they give just enough to keep you hoping, but never enough to keep you whole.

Even spiritually, we can fall into this trap—constantly asking God for blessings but rarely showing up with devotion, time, or obedience. That’s not a relationship—it’s a vending machine mindset.

Remember Matthew 7:6:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs…”
Translation: Protect your peace and your pearls.

🧠 My Crash Course in Emotional Labor

My first serious relationship? Whew. Fresh out of high school, dating a man five years older with a child. I dove in headfirst, thinking I was ready—but what I got was an education in one-sided effort.

He said he was giving. But let’s be honest: the loyalty? Inconsistent. The emotional support? Absent. The actions? Didn’t line up.

In hindsight, I now know he simply couldn’t love me in the way I deserved. He wasn’t evil—just unequipped.

And because I was naturally low maintenance, I almost settled for that.

But thank God for discernment and healing.

🌻 From Bread Crumbs to Overflow

My next relationship became my last one—my husband. We’ve been growing together for over 8 years now, and let me tell you:

The love is healthy.
The effort is mutual.
The respect is intentional.
The faith is shared.

Not perfect—but peaceful. That’s the difference.

He met me where I was and allowed me to grow while I did the same for him. That’s what giver-giver energy looks like in real life.

💀 Taker + Taker = Psychotic

This is the toxic loop of selfishness. No empathy, no accountability—just manipulation, competition, and chaos.

Two takers can’t build anything healthy. In friendships, it’s all gossip, clout, and convenience. In love, it’s power struggles and drama.

Spiritually, it’s people who treat God like a slot machine.

“God, give me this… now.”

James 4:3 puts it plainly:

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…”

Takers eventually run out of people to drain and bridges to burn. These relationships? Unsustainable.

👥 The Friendship Filter

Let’s not forget—friends fall into these dynamics too.

• That one friend who always calls when they need something… but disappears during your hard seasons?

• The one who always talks but never listens?

• The one who only celebrates you when it’s convenient?

Yep. Giver-taker dynamics exist in friendships, and they’re just as draining as in romantic relationships.

Friendships should feel like rest—not like walking on eggshells.

🪞Epiphany Check: Who Are You in This Season?

The truth? At some point, we’ve all been both.
We’ve over-given. We’ve under-given. We’ve grown.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s balance.

Ask yourself:

• Am I giving with joy or guilt?

• Are my relationships mutually fulfilling or one-sided?

• Do I take more than I give—especially in my faith?

• Do my friendships recharge or deplete me?

🙌 Final Thoughts: Be Like Jesus—A Giver, Not a Fool

Jesus was the ultimate giver—yet even He had boundaries.

• He retreated to pray (Luke 5:16).

• He didn’t chase those who walked away (John 6:66-67).

• He called out the fake (Matthew 23:27-28).

Being Christ-like means being generous with wisdom.
Give freely—but give wisely. Love deeply—but not desperately.

❤️ So What Now?

• If you’re in a giver-giver space, protect it. Nourish it.

• If you’re drained by takers, set boundaries.

• If you’ve been a taker, do the heart work. Reflect. Heal.

God is the ultimate example of a balanced giver—one who never runs dry, never manipulates, and never gives less than His best.

Let’s strive for that same energy.

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Have you ever been stuck in a giver-taker friendship or relationship? What shifted your mindset?